keep passing the open windows

Drug addicts doctor shop, looking for pain meds. My daughter church shops, not looking for God, but for fun activities. Bowling? A lock-in? She’s there. Bible Study? Not so much.
She goes to the youth group at two local churches, Methodist and Presbyterian. Despite my atheistic ways, I’ve always figured, [...]

Both of my kids were needlessly and endlessly aggravating last night.
Reagan, who has pleaded with me not to attend her Scholastic Bowl meets (”You make me nervous!”), upon hearing that I have a hair appointment tonight said “You aren’t coming to my Scholastic Bowl meet? I feel really special. I [...]

I just picked up Reagan from Scholastic Bowl. When she got in the car she said “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but you don’t count. ‘John’ is going to kiss ‘Amber’ at the game tomorrow night.”
Me: “Really? How does she know?”
Reagan: “He told her!”
Me: “Wow, is that a [...]

My kids’ school is very small and they attend K thru high school with all the same kids. This has some advantages, especially for my son, who has a hard time adjusting to new situations and doesn’t like large groups.
For my daughter this is a tremendous hardship; all the boys in her class are [...]

My daughter just called and asked “unsalted butter or salted?”
I’m so proud.
(Not that she’s baking-she’s been able to follow a recipe for years, but that she knows about salted and unsalted butter and that the use of one vs. the other could make a difference in her final product.)
Alternate title: Yes, [...]

My daughter’s bedroom has the largest landfill closet in the house. And, apparently, she has been utilizing it as the fastest method of bedroom cleaning.
We discovered the problem this weekend, but really should have picked up on it earlier, due to our dwindling supply of bath towels and teaspoons.
A closet cleaning mandate was [...]

WTF is up this winter? My daughter, who never gets sick, has been sick three times since mid-January.
Last time she was sick Chris took her to the doctor. He did a strep test and also a test for mono.
Reagan and I both were puzzled, MONO?
Her, because she had never heard [...]

Reagan was upset yesterday after Scholastic Bowl.
Reagan: “We lost and it was all my fault!”
Me: “Why?”
Reagan: “The last question was about men’s deodorant and I knew the answer was “Old Spice” but was too embarrased to say it.
Me: “Um, why?”
Reagan: “Because it was about MEN’S DEODORANT!”
Really, which [...]

Saturday night I took the kids, Tay, Rea, and W., to see a performance by the BBQ Kittens, an improv group that performs shows similar to “Whose Line is it Anyway.”
On the way there we met Chris to switch cars. During the Chinese Fire Drill Chris dropped his OUR cell phone. [...]

My daughter was in quite a mood this weekend. In her defense, she was recuperating from being sick most of last week. On the other hand, gosh, she was being awfully, awfully awful.
Saturday Chris was gone most of the day. During his absence she started referring to him as “The MAN you [...]