keep passing the open windows

Yesterday, riding in the car, my daughter said “I have a problem.”
To the mom of a teenager, that’s the panicky equivalent of yesteryear’s “We need to talk.”
“That sunscreen you bought me, SPF 50, well it’s not letting me tan at all.”
Damn, I was wondering when she would figure that out.
We are fair skinned, freckled, Nordic […]

I swear they play that Usher song more than once an hour on the radio station my teen daughter likes.
It came on the other night while Reagan and I were in the car and I tried to catch all the lyrics. Not only does Usher want to “make love in this club,” he wants […]

Reagan and I were discussing doody semantics last night. And she said “One piece is a called turd but the plural form of it is poop and a pile is called……
SHIT.”

There is a David Sedaris story that goes something like this:
“One summer my family was embroiled in a mystery. Someone was wiping his or her butt on our mahogany colored bathtowels and replacing the towels on the shelf, properly folded. At one point or other each of us was the victim and one […]

I moniter my kids’ online activities, instant messages, cell phone usage, text messages, etc. They know it’s a part of being allowed to have an email address, having a Myspace page, and a cell phone.
Today I checked out my daughter’s Yahoo Answers! profile and looked at the questions she had answered. […]

Riding in the car yesterday Reagan said “Mom, remember when I went to that lock-in and the topic was abstinence?”
“Yah?”
“Well, one 6th grader asked ‘If abstinence is so great, then why are there prostitutes?’”
My son proclaimed this to be his new motto.
He wants to get bumper stickers and t-shirts printed and sell them; […]

My kids were supposed to have a dance last Friday night. It was cancelled because the teacher that usually sponsers it was ill. No other teacher could do it? Whatever.
Disappointed, my daughter asked to attend the “30 Hour Famine,” hosted by the nearby Methodist church.
What, pray tell, is a […]

Drug addicts doctor shop, looking for pain meds. My daughter church shops, not looking for God, but for fun activities. Bowling? A lock-in? She’s there. Bible Study? Not so much.
She goes to the youth group at two local churches, Methodist and Presbyterian. Despite my atheistic ways, I’ve always figured, […]

Both of my kids were needlessly and endlessly aggravating last night.
Reagan, who has pleaded with me not to attend her Scholastic Bowl meets (”You make me nervous!”), upon hearing that I have a hair appointment tonight said “You aren’t coming to my Scholastic Bowl meet? I feel really special. I […]

I just picked up Reagan from Scholastic Bowl. When she got in the car she said “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but you don’t count. ‘John’ is going to kiss ‘Amber’ at the game tomorrow night.”
Me: “Really? How does she know?”
Reagan: “He told her!”
Me: “Wow, is that a […]