keep passing the open windows

It’s a given:
1. If “Napoleon Dynamite” is on TV, I’ll watch it.
2. When I drop off the kids at school in the morning I will say “Have a great day. I love you!”
3. And they will respond “Yah, whatever.”
4. If I’m a passenger in your car I will say “SLOW DOWN!” (To which my fifteen year old recently replied, “I’m going SEVEN.”)
5. And, if there is cake, I will eat it.

Even if it might be salmonella-tainted from undercooked frosting.

Oh, and I’ll even feed it to my family (and family friends, the lucky ducks!)

I guess this post should be entitled “A Tale of Two Cakes,” or maybe, “Bakers with Malfunctioning Mixers Get the Poos Blues.”

To make a long story short, I bought a cheap stand mixer at Walmart. This mixer:

If you are tempted to buy this clearance mixer, do not do so! Otherwise, you, too, will be telling the tale of “_______ and the No Good, Very Bad, Possilby Lethal Whisk Attachment.”

I tested out my new appliance making this weeks “Tuesday’s with Dorie” pick, Devil’s Food White Out Cake, suggested by Stephanie of Confessions of a City Eater.

This is a great recipe, yet my first attempt at this cake was not a success.

First I forgot a key ingredient in the cake-the boiling water, and my cake came out a bit flat. Tasty but flat. (I think that’s probably also how my husband describes me to his co-workers, LOL.)

Then, attaching the whisk to the mixer I added the 242 degree simple syrup to the egg whites and beat it for about five minutes. This is where the mixer earned it’s FAIL status, as the syrup pretty much solidified in the bottom of the bowl, because the whisk wasn’t long enough to reach the bottom inch of the mixing bowl. (Um, yah, and that also solves the mystery of the slow beating egg whites.)

I’m pretty sure the un-mixed-in simple syrup was unable to heat the egg whites to the point of being technically safe to eat. But, somehow this didn’t strike me until AFTER we ate the cake and I had a stomach ache. (And a stomach ache on Valentine’s Day is quite the romance killer!)

I guess the crumbled cake topping covered up the fact that my icing was basically whipped egg whites!

Yesterday I remade the cake remembering the boiling water and it had a wonderful, light crumb and great chocolate flavor. Plus, it was surprisingly easy to cut horizontally and stack without breaking.

And the frosting was a dream, marshmallow-y, amazingly light, white, bright and fluffy. Of course, I did have to beat it with my hand mixer for an incredibly long time, but it was worth it.

Devil’s Food White Out Cake, now “Salmonella Free!”