keep passing the open windows

I’ve written about my nephew F. before. He’s twelve, going into 7th grade, and the second child of my younger sister, M. He has a penchant for posting questions on Yahoo! Answers and they never fail to crack me up.
His most recent question:
“Am i sphyickec if it’s real?”
“for the last year [...]

Last weekend was the annual Heritage Days Festival in our little town. It involves a talent show, musical acts (all Christian or Country-blech) and a carnival with rides, games, and funnel cakes. (Mmmm… funnel cakes!)
Taylor went with a couple of other boys his age. I asked him if he had fun, [...]

Yesterday, riding in the car, my daughter said “I have a problem.”
To the mom of a teenager, that’s the panicky equivalent of yesteryear’s “We need to talk.”
“That sunscreen you bought me, SPF 50, well it’s not letting me tan at all.”
Damn, I was wondering when she would figure that out.
We are fair skinned, freckled, Nordic [...]

On Father’s Day my dad was supposed to arrive at Chez Wood around 1:00 or 1:30 after dropping my nephew F. off at the train station in nearby Galesburg, IL.
Before his expected arrival I started the grill, made a couple of salads, prepared potatoes, garlic bread and chicken to be grilled, cut up onions and [...]

My work is holding a training session today and our employees from around the state arrived in scenic Princeville this afternoon.
As always, I was in charge of finding an ice breaker. I’m the queen of ice breakers and am definitely going to put it on my next resume. (Experienced in brief [...]

I swear they play that Usher song more than once an hour on the radio station my teen daughter likes.
It came on the other night while Reagan and I were in the car and I tried to catch all the lyrics. Not only does Usher want to “make love in this club,” he wants [...]

Hi everyone. I just found a bunch of comments in my spam folder that weren’t spam, including a couple from myself. (yes, I comment on my own blog!) So sorry to anyone who might have thought I found their comment offensive or unacceptable, I haven’t yet deleted any comment other than spam, [...]

Yesterday at work, my officemate, Mari, says to me:
“Oh, a message just popped up that I have a virus.”
Me: “Is it from Norton anti-virus?”
Mari: “No.”
Me: “Oh, don’t click on it! It’s a virus.”
Mari: “No, it says I have a virus.”
Me: “No, it’s the virus. Don’t click on it.”
Mari: [...]

Reagan and I were discussing doody semantics last night. And she said “One piece is a called turd but the plural form of it is poop and a pile is called……
SHIT.”

There is a David Sedaris story that goes something like this:
“One summer my family was embroiled in a mystery. Someone was wiping his or her butt on our mahogany colored bathtowels and replacing the towels on the shelf, properly folded. At one point or other each of us was the victim and one [...]