keep passing the open windows

At the local grocery store, gazing at a piece of fruit.  The sign says “orangello $.29.”  Orangello?  I begin to question my upbringing…. were we the weird kind of family that said “please, have a seat on the davenport”?  Or “Let’s take a ride in my automobile.”?  Or maybe tangello was a pet name, like some […]

The orthodontist’s office called yesterday.  Reagan will need to have four teeth extracted after she gets the brackets on for her braces. 
My daughter is not fond of going to the dentist. Furthermore, when the orthodontist mentioned possible extractions at our last visit Reagan was really upset by the idea.  Unfortunately our choices are limited.  She can not have them […]

At what age is it appropriate to teach your child the term “assclown?”
I have decided the age 13 is appropriate.  Smart enough not to use it at school, well, God, I hope so…. Young enough to find it hysterical. But in an act of assclownery he shared it with his friend Jake who decided a better term - assjester. 

BH:  What’s a ghetto?
Taylor:  It’s an area in a city where poor people live.”
BH: ”But doesn’t it have something to do with ‘The Blacks?’”
Taylor:  “No”
BH:  “Are you sure?  Because I thought it had something to do with ‘The Blacks?’” 
Taylor: ”You are so dumb”
Should I be glad that my child knows what a ghetto is?  I am at least grateful […]

Taylor was 13 in November.  All of a sudden he is tall… 5′4″ or maybe even 5′5″ (he’s catching up with me) and now his voice is changing!  I can’t believe it.  Some moments it’s the same as ever and then he’ll speak and I’ll think “is that Tay?  Or is he being voiced by a narrarator, […]

Friday Reagan calls me “Mommy, will you take Blake, Taylor and I to see Epic Movie?”  Me: No, ask your dad. She didn’t want to ask him. I arrive home and tell Chris about this question and he says “wow, she should have asked me; I would have taken them to the movies..”  Luckily Reagan was in […]

At the age of 18 I would never have dreamt….
that I would love baking
that I would love, love, love having kids
that I would decide to pay the bills first and to shop later (and that the shopping would be for my kids rather than for myself)
that my butt would be this big!
that I would live in a […]

Work:
I sit; I type; I file.
Home:
I entreat; I cajole; I threaten.
I wash dishes; I wash clothes; I wash floors.
With friends:
I eat; I talk; I shop.
But to be independently wealthy…. 

Jennifer: Take out the dog.
Reagan: No.  I’m tired.
Jennifer: Take out the dog.
Reagan: I’m getting ready for bed…. (incessant whining)
Jennifer: At 5 I am letting the dog out and not letting him back in.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5. (lets dog out, into unfenced yard)  Okay, the dog is out; living with nature, as a wild animal […]

I love Law and Order and have been watching it for years.  In fact, when my daughter was in preschool and they did a “facts about your family” kind of paper she responded to “My mommy likes ________”  with “to watch Law and Order.”  It was a little embarrassing.
My son Taylor is now a Law […]